The Hospital Show
by starlite-jupiter
Summary: Michiru has a heart attack. Ami, Rei, Minako, and Makoto all bet on who Haruka will turn to for her inevitable emotional breakdown.


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or Will and Grace.

Info: This little chapter is inspired by the Will and Grace's Season II episode: The Hospital Show. Enjoy. This Sailor Moon excerpt is also more of Japanese orientation. Usagi, Ami, Rei, Mako, Minako, Haruka, Setsuna, Hotaru, Michiru are characters. Ami, Rei, Mako, Minako, and Haruka are the characters in this. The basis of this story. Michiru and Haruka's relationship is of lesbian orientation. For that, this is rated PG-13.

Our story begins with Rei getting Ami ready for a date. She was to meet a tech student at ITT-Technical Institute for dinner. Ami felt she wasn't ready as Rei was there to consolidate her...a bit too much. Rei was really excited for Amy.

"So, when is your new lover supposed to get here?" Rei asked in a sexy voice.

"He's not my lover, it's just a date." Amy remarked.

"And did you meet lover at Lover Lane?" Rei kept getting on Ami about it, "Or did you two make a Love Connection at the Love Store while shopping for Love Letters?"

Ami hated love letters. Having to think of them gave her hives. She got angry for the third time that day, "I forgot to tell you that your grandpa called and left a message." She then smacked Rei on the forehead using that as her grandpa's message, "I told you he's not my lover, alright, I'm just doing him a favor, you see he's my mother's dentist's bridge partner's son, which technically makes me...a loser."

Rei was still mad about the smack, "Wait a minute...yes, I got the same thing."

"I met him once a long time ago, and if memory serves me, he believes he's God's gift to all women. And if that's true, then God shops at the Newark Airport."

"So," Rei implied, "Where are we taking lover boy? McD's? Chuckie Cheese? KFC?"

"Hopefully nowhere, see, Minako and I have a plan. She's gonna call me with some big emergency, and that way I have an out."

"It's so nice Minako does things for you. Lucky! Someday, I hope to have a bitch of my very own."

A knock came at the door. Then another one did. "That's him," Ami said, "How do I look?"

"I'm immediately turned off and repulsed," said Rei.

"Bonus!"

A Ukrainian man stood at the door with one hand on the sill and the other on his him, "Hey sexy," he said.

"...Hi Neil." Ami vaguely replied.

Neil smiled and made a repulsive joke, "Ready to get Neiled?"

Rei interjected, "Hey, um, you may want to stretch, Ami, it's been a long time since you've last gotten Neiled." She then laughed uncontrollably.

Amy showed Rei the door, "Later, lovers." Rei said before the door shut on her face.

Ami was alone with Neil. Amy felt nauseated, "So, can I get you a drink?"

"Whoa, slow down," Neil said, "We'll get there, blue eyes, you're closer than you think."

The phone rang, "Oh thank God," Amy said quietly, "Excuse me."

Amy picked up the phone, "Minako, hi. What's up?"

"I'm at Mount Sinai Hospital with Haruka. Michiru's had a heart attack!" Mina exclaimed.

"Mount Sinai? Oh my gosh, that's terrible. I'll be there as soon as I can," Amy then whispered, "Perfect."

Neil sat on the couch waiting to zoom in on Amy's clothes.

"A friend of mine just had a heart attack," Amy said, "So I think we're gonna have to do this another night."

"Aw... Neil sad." Neil frowned.

The phone rang again. Ami answered it, "Hello?"

"Ami, I'm not joking here! Michiru really is in the ICU!"

"Hang on, I'm on my way." Ami thought Minako was putting on a better act.

"Listen!" Minako turned to a receptionist in the hospital, "Say something hospital so she'll believe me!"

The receptionist was confused, but then started talking to Ami, "Uh, myocardial infarction, uh, lime Jell-O, and 'That gown goes on the other way.'"

Ami believed, "Oh my gosh, I'll be right there."

Amy hung up the phone.

"Look, Neil, I've got to go. This friend of mine really is in the ICU."

"And later, will I C U?"

"Oh, gee, no."

Five minutes after that, we find Makoto and Minako in the hospital lobby. Minako is looking sick as Makoto knits.

"Ugh, this is always the worst part about hospitals, the waiting...Well, that and needles." Minako made a gagging noise, "Oh, I don't like needles--don't like looking at them, don't like hearing about them. You know, I can't even say the name 'Ringo' because he was a 'Beatle' and that sounds like 'needle.'" Minako made her gagging noise again and she held her stomach.

Seconds later, Ami walks in and spots Minako, "Hey, hey, how's Michiru? What's going on?"

"We don't know. Haruka's been in with the doctors for the last hour."

"So what happened?"

"She murdered Michiru." Makoto joked.

"I did not!" Minako snapped. "I was redecorating her study, and Haruka comes in and asks me if he could help, so I say, 'Sure, would you mind moving the ottoman?' He does. The next thing I know, he collapses on the floor." She turned to Makoto and grunted, "You lie."

"You should be in jail." Makoto joked again.

"Liar." Minako snapped.

"Ringo." Makoto shot back.

Minako gasped. The three then see Rei run by in a sprint right past them.

Ami laughed, "Obnoxious ferrets to the waiting area." She repeated herself then saw Rei run back and stop right in front of them.

Rei was in a panic, "How is she? What's going on? What time did you guys get here? Why is no one talking?!"

"Would you calm down?!" Ami shook Rei.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Rei yelled, "Michiru Kaiou is like a mother to me. If anything ever happened to her, I-- I don't know what I-- Man, there are some really hot doctors in here." Rei put a phone sign to her ear to catch a doctor's attention.

This caused Minako to react, "Hey! We don't have much news yet. Michiru's in the intensive care-- through no fault of mine." She turned to Makoto.

"Needle." Makoto jokingly threatened Minako pointing to the needle knitting.

Minako gasped.

"Well what about Haruka?" Ami asked, "I mean, does anyone know how she's doing?"

"I'm sure she's fine. If anybody can deal with this, it's Haruka."

It was then in which where Haruka stomped out of the medical room and screamed, "Where are my lover's pills?!" Minako, Rei, Ami, and Makoto gasped at Haruka losing her cool, "It's been two hours since I asked for them! Now you give me Michiru's pills at once! I want those pills! Give me my lover's pills!" She shook the life out of the receptionist.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Tenou, there you go." She said as she handed the pills and water to Haruka.

"Thank you," she said. Minako spit out her coke as Haruka swallowed Michiru's pills and water in seconds, "Now that's painkillers."

There was a stunned silence for a second after Haruka walked back into the room. Rei was the first to speak, "Look, why don't you guys go on and go home? I can take it from here. Okay, thanks for driving down."

"What?" Makoto replied.

"Well, we all know who Haruka's going to lean on for emotional support. The same person she's always leaned on, her understanding friend, Rei."

Makoto threw a little Spanish at Rei, "No offense, chica, but take your 'cabeza' out of your 'tuchus.'" Rei scowled at her, "If Haruka falls apart," Makoto continued, "you all know who she's gonna come to to pick up the pieces."

Rei didn't go on without a fight, "Um, I don't think she'll be coming to anyone who wears a Members Only jacket." Makoto gave Rei a dirty look, "I'm telling you, it's going to be me," she continued, "You're the last person she'd go to...Well, next to Ami."

Ami joined the argument, "Uh, excuse me, I am the most intelligent of the four of us, and let's not forget, she came to me when she was having trouble with her marriage. She came to me when she needed to do her will, she even came to me with a drinking problem."

"You're kidding," a surprised Makoto interjected.

"Well, she was out of gin, but the-- the point is, she came to me then, and she'll come to me now."

"You think so," Makoto laughed.

"Yes, I do." Ami replied.

"Care to make it interesting?" Makoto asked as she slapped five-hundred dollars in her hand. Rei and Ami looked intrigued.

Haruka was pacing in the medical room. Wringing her hands and counting her blessings until the doctor came in.

He was a tall African-American man with a doctor's coat and black slacks, "Mrs. Tenou, I have some news about your lover."

"Give it to me straight, Doc." Haruka told, "Am I looking at a future filled with loneliness and memories of better days, or is Michiru gonna die?"

"Mrs. Tenou, the test results came back, and it seems your lover didn't have a heart attack at all."

"Oh, thank God."

"But rather acute angina."

"You've got a lot of nerve coming on to me while my lover is dying." Said a confused Haruka thinking he said Michiru had a cute vagina.

"Uh, no, no, Mrs. Tenou. Angina is-- you know he's gonna be alright." He said, "Which is good news for us, but I'm not entirely sure how your friends are gonna react."

"What are you talking about, Dr. Huxtable?"

"They're taking bets to see which one you're gonna break down to first."

"Those pigs are making bets on when I'm gonna turn on the waterworks?!"

"Would you like me to tell your friends the news?"

"Let's wait on that for a little bit. I've got a better idea." Haruka said, then started her annoyingly evil laugh.

We're back with the four inner soldiers, Ami, Minako, Makoto, and Rei. They were discussing the rules of the breakdown contest.

"Okay, so just so we're clear." Makoto stated, "The breakdown must include tears of emotional pain only. No pulling hair," Makoto pointed to Minako, "No punching," Makoto pointed to Ami, "And, of course, no tiny pinches." She said pointing a huge finger at Rei.

"Wait a minute you guys, are we being gross?" Rei asked.

"No, we're not being gross." Ami replied, "Besides, it's either this or fifteen hours of reading Highlights magazine. Really, how many times can you find a toaster in a tree?" She laughed and stood up to put her money in the pot, "Come on, are you in or are you out?-- I mean we know you're out, but are you in?"

"Can I borrow one-hundred?" Rei asked.

"Sure." Ami replied.

"I'm in for fifty." Rei said folding the other fifty and putting it in her pocket.

"Minako, are you in?" Ami asked.

"Yes, I'm in. I'm in shock is what I'm in."

"You could bet less." Makoto implied.

"No!" Grace shouted. "How about a little compassion? How about a little selflessness?"

Haruka peered out of the medical room door, "Minako, can I see you for a minute?"

"I'm in." Minako said slamming her money in the pot. She entered the medical room to find Haruka.

"I can't believe this." Rei said. "I was sure it was gonna be me. I was having fun at the hospital. Now my whole evening is ruined!"

A second later, Neil, Amy's date spun around a pillar, "Hey, cheeks." He said to Ami.

"And now the fun is back." Rei stated.

Ami looked really shocked. She threw up in her mouth a little bit.

Minako peered through the medical room door, "Hi Haruka." She said.

Haruka smiled.

"Look, I just wanted you to know that if-- oh my God!" She shrieked and slammed her body against the door, "Oh my God, what is-- what is that on the table, what is that? Is that a needle?! Is that somebody's needle just out there in the open?!"

"It's a chopstick, you loon. It came with my lunch!" Haruka rolled her eyes.

"Oh." Minako sighed relieved, "Anyway, um, I just wanted you to know that if you wanted to talk, or share anything, I'm here for you."

Haruka stood, "Minako, we've known each other for, what, eleven years?"

"Eighteen months."

"Seems longer." Haruka stated. She cut her sarcasm and continued, "And you know me better than anyone, so naturally I want to open up to you, but I--"

"Haruka, what is it? What do you need?"

"It's Michiru." Haruka stated. "She needs blood for a bypass and she needs it drawn slowly by a large, pointy needle." She held Minako's arm.

Minako gasped. It took a minute for her to gain her composure, "I-- I doubt that-- that I would even match. I've-- I've got a-- a very rare blood type."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

"What type do they need?"

"What type do you have?"

"What type do they need?"

"What type do you have?"

"AB Negative."

"That's the type they need."

Minako gasped and held her arm...

The three remaining betters received the news of Minako giving blood. Ami laughed. Rei came back from the bathroom, "What'd I miss?"

"Michiru needs a bypass." Ami stated.

Rei gasped.

"Minako's donating blood. I don't know how she's gonna do it." Amy explained.

"I forgot, she's terrified of needles." Makoto replied."

"Poor girl," Rei said.

"Yeah..." Ami said.

"So is the bet still on?" Makoto asked?

"Oh, yeah!" The other two replied

Haruka came walking out of the medical room once more, "Hi, everybody."

"Hey!" All of them greeted Haruka a bit too warmly. They all approached her.

"We don't really know anything yet." Haruka explained, "They're running some tests, but the doctors feel-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She said walking away, "I need to talk to...Rei...no...Ami...no...Makoto! Where's my Makoto?"

Makoto approached Haruka, "I'm here."

"You want to talk to me about it?" Makoto asked.

"Yes. Yes I do, Makoto. I'm just so worried about Michiru. I-- no, I can't. I--"

"Come on! Let it out!" Makoto stated.

"Okay-- ow! Did you just pinch me?!" Haruka shrieked.

Makoto looked guilty in front of Ami and Rei who gave her dirty looks.

Haruka continued, "I just feel like I have so much emotion just bottled up inside of me, and if I don't let it out, I'll just-- I'll-- no, it's too filthy in here. I can't."

"Um...what?" Makoto questioned.

"Well, this place, it's so dirty." Haruka explained, "I mean, the stench of Medicaid and thermometer lubricant, it's-- ewww."

"You want me to clean the hospital?!" Makoto asked.

"Well, just as much as you can get done." Haruka laughed. "And while you're at it, why don't you take a look around and see what a real hospital corner looks like, okay? Now, shift it!"

Minako sat on the doctor's desk mat waiting for a needle to turn her pale. She'd been waiting for about an hour when the door finally opened as the doctor and a nurse trainee walked in, "Okay, Miss Aino. This is Nurse Trainee Pittman. She'll be taking your blood.

Nurse Trainee Pittman looked about thirteen years old with blonde hair and a broad smile on her face. Minako started turning pale from the thought of an inexperienced trainee stabbing a needle into her body and taking blood. She felt like a part of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

"I like your hair..." Pittman said giving Minako a smile that freaked her out.

"Whoa. Whoa." Minako said, "Her?!" She gagged, "Isn't there someone else who is a little more experienced? Someone who didn't drive in on a Big Wheel?"

"Oh, I don't drive." Pittman explained, "I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, 'This is hard.'"

"Now I don't want you to worry," The doctor said, "Nurse Pittman is one of our finest trainees, and I'm gonna be here with you the whole time."

A beeper went off, the doctor reached in his pocket, "Sweet, my new Jag's here." He said walking out the door.

"Don't worry mam," Pittman said, "I've done this bunches of times. Mostly on oranges, but..."

"Okay, I have-- I have a little problem with that," Minako explained, "Because you see, I'm not an orange!" Minako thought a little and psyched herself out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do this." Minako walked to the door opened it and saw Haruka.

"Honey, I can't tell you what this means to me." She said.

Minako closed the door, groaned, and got back on the doctor's desk mat.

In the hallway, the doctor and Haruka had a little talk and high-fived each other for a job going good so far.

The remaining two were in the waiting area. Rei was tossing Cheezits in the air and catching them in her mouth. Ami ran off to the bathroom. Seconds later, Haruka walked out, ready to twine her next victim, Rei. She paid for Rei's credit card, and that was what she was going to use against her.

"Oh, Rei." She said.

"Oh, Haruka, what's the matter?" Rei asked.

"Rei, I'm so worried, I keep thinking about Michiru."

"Oh, I know, I know, I keep thinking about her too."

Karen frowned.

Rei said, "Was that a tear? Did I win?-- I mean, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Honey, if Michiru goes, I'm afraid we're gonna have to give up a lot of luxuries that we've come to enjoy."

"Hey, as long as we've got each other."

"Oh."

"I don't care about that other stuff.--What luxuries, exactly?"

We come back to Minako on the desk mat and Pittman ready to syringe her, "Now you may want to have a donut and some juice first."

"First?" Minako asked, "Isn't it supposed to be after."

"Wait! After? After? Dumb, dumb, dummy!" Nurse Pittman criticized herself for forgetting that basic rule making Minako feel more uncomfortable.

We come back to Rei looking at her credit cards. Haruka has gone and Ami has returned. Ami notices Rei looking obsessively at her credit cards and asked, "What are you-- what're you doing?"

"Haruka's making me cut up my credit cards." Rei explained. "I just wanted to say goodbye."

Rei started her credit card goodbye speech, "Goodbye, Visa. You were everywhere I wanted to be. Mastercard, what'll I do for everything else now?! Discover platinum, I think I'll miss you most of all!" Rei started crying.

"Need a tissue, buddy?" Ami asked.

"I'm okay." Rei stated.

"Maybe I should get Haruka one, because when you were talking to her, you really opened her up emo-- oh, no, actually that was you blubbering like a little girl. I'm sorry." Ami joked.

"You see, this is why she hasn't come to you." Rei stated, "Hello, my name is Ami. I have no human emotions. I am made entirely of metal, wires, and fat."

"For your information," Ami stated, "My job as a sailor soldier is dealing with people in crisis, and I'm particularly good at it."

Rei and Ami continue arguing for which behind them holds the window to the doctor's office Minako is in. For a few brief seconds, Minako is being chased by Pittman with a needle in hand and Minako is screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Why, you ask," Ami continued, "Because I have a sixth sense about when people are in trouble."

"And yet she still hasn't come to you," Rei said, "Hmm, interesting. Why do you think that is, Arrogancia?"

Haruka peered out of the medical room yet again, "Ami, can I see you for a minute?"

"Go with that," Ami said, "I think you're really on to something."

Ami enters the medical room to find Haruka sitting on the bed.

"Haruka, did you want to see me?"

"Honey, I know we haven't gotten along very well in the past."

"And...?"

"That's it. Your turn."

"Look, you must be exhausted," Ami stated, "but--"

"Yeah."

"I just want you to know that I'm not just a study maniac, I'm a human being, you know, with an ear and a shoulder and a heart as big as all get-out."

Neil entered the room, "Hey, cowgirl."

"GET OUT!" Ami cried. "You know, take a hint! I don't dig you, okay?!"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to tell Neil twice." Neil still stood there.

"Apparently you do, GET OUT!"

Haruka was shocked. She had never seen Ami so enraged in her life. She loved it.

"Uh...honey, who was that?"

Back at Rei with her credit cards in pieces. She is sobbing like a banshee. "What I did for love." She states as she drops the shards of the cards.

Minako walks out of the doctor's office.

"I just wanted to say," Nurse Trainee Pittman said, "thank you for being my first patient." She shook Minako's blood lost arm.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow. Let go, let go, let go, let go!" She cried begging Pittman to let go of her arm. Pittman let go, turned around and marched back into the office.

Makoto comes with a nearly broken vacuum cleaner that is so hoppy it makes her jump up and down, "You need a sports bra to run this thing."

Ami was walking around with Neil, "So what would you like to do to Neil first?" Neil asked.

"Well, the first thing is a surprise, but the second is bury you."

"Hot." Neil shot.

Haruka walked out planning to draw all four into the room, "Can I see you for a minute."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, "She's talking to me!" They all cried as they raced into the medical room. First stepped in Minako, then Makoto, then Rei, and finally Ami who shut the door hoping Neil wouldn't come in.

"Hold on, hold on." Haruka told the ladies. "I just want to tell you that Michiru is fine."

"What?" Ami said.

"There was never any surgery. The doctor says she only has a little angina."

"Wow." Rei said, "What a time to figure out your lover's a hermaphrodite."

Everyone turned and looked at Rei.

"So you were just playing with us when we were trying to help you?" Minako asked.

"By competing to see who I would show my weakness to?!"

"Haruka, you're right, I--" Ami began.

Haruka stopped her with a series of loud gibberish, "bah, bah, bah, ta, ta, ta, du."

Haruka continued, "You played with me and you lost. Let that be a lesson to you...I think you forgot, kiddies, Haruka Tenou does not do emotions. Now get the hell out of here."

The four turned and left ashamed. They walked towards the elevator together.

"So who wins the money?" Makoto asked.

"No one, we split it up again." Ami implied.

"Oh, okay." Minako said.

The four stepped in the elevator.

"It's gone!" Makoto exclaimed.

Immediately, Rei turned and got out of the elevator just as it closed.

Ami, "What?! Who--Rei!"

Haruka was alone in the medical room when the doctor came in.

"Mrs. Tenou, how're you feeling?"

"Just fine, doctor."

"You must feel really good. Your lover is fine. You two really dodged a bullet today."

"Believe me honey," Haruka stated. "She's so happy to be alive, I'm gonna be dodging it all night."

The doctor left the room and Haruka was alone yet again.

"Oh, Michiru, you and your soft hands." Haruka started shedding tears as Minako entered the room to see a crying Haruka.

"Haruka, I just wanted to apolo-- oh, um-- um, um, I'll leave."

"No! No, don't"

"Huh?"

"Stay."

"You really want me to stay?"

"I thought I was gonna lose her, Minako." Haruka said, "You know it's funny, we go through life pretty much alone, then you meet someone...and you hit it off...You have some laughs, some tenderness, and then after a dozen Vodka shots, and a Vegas chapel, wham, you're married."

Minako listened and tried to make sense of it.

Haruka continued, "Then, as quickly as it came, it's taken away."

"But," Minako interjected, "Nothing's been taken away. Michiru's fine."

"Yeah," Haruka countered, "but someday he might not be. What do I do then? Michiru is everything to me."

"Maybe that's the blessing that's come out of all of this." Minako continued, "You know, having Michiru almost...you know, made you realize just how much love you've got for her."

Haruka sighed.

"I guess that's the trick, to remember that love and to show her every day."

"You're right..." Haruka said, "Maybe I'll give her a little booby later."

"That sounds very romantic..." Came a sarcastic remark from Minako.

"Thank you, Minako..."

"Sure, Haruka."

"Okay."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"Yeah, you're off the hook. Just as long as nobody finds out about this."

"Finds out about what?"

"That's my girl."

"I'll call you tomorrow." Minako turned to leave.

"Oh, Minako," Haruka asked, "As long as we're being all warm and fuzzy here, you know how I always get on your case about the way you dress and the way you do your hair?"

"Yeah."

"Well, are you gonna do anything about it?!"

Minako turned and left with a grin on her face.

END

Please review! It'd help!

Plus in your review, please tell me which character you thought went through the hardest in the Hospital Show:

Haruka:

a) Almost lost Michiru

b) Was being betted on to breakdown to the girls.

Ami:

a) Had to deal with Neil

b) Had to listen to Rei's sarcastic remarks.

Rei:

a) Had to cut up her credit cards

b) Had felt really emotional about Michiru in beginning.

Makoto:

a) Had to clean the hospital!

b) Had to listen to Rei's sarcastic remarks.

Minako:

a) Had to get syringed by Nurse Trainee Pittman

b) Had to consolidate Haruka in a breakdown.

Michiru:

a) Was suffering from angina

b) Collapsed at home

Thank you so much!

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